honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
