okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
