I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
