We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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