So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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