I wish I only lived at night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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