Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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