the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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