Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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