The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
