You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
