all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
