I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
