Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
