she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
