There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
