3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You don't make any sense
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