the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
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maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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