You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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