do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
