Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
