We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
my liver is dry heaving
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