from now on my penis is your penis
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What drink are we having for lunch?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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