census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize