I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
