so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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