You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
