im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
