you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
