He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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