Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
