if only i could text you this smell
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
