It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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