How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
