Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
