1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its not stalking. its research.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize