Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
