I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
