There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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