The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
