whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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