Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
