about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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