the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
