Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
