really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Panties = found
Randomize
