i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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