Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
