you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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