is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
