i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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