You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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