Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
