The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
