Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
