Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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