$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
