Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
