Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
