ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
