Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
