yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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