i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drake has all the answers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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