i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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