How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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