She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
