That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
