I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
