we're chasing vodka with high fives
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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