Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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