Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
