he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
