you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
