Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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