I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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