I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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