It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
