Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
