My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
